How Do You Know When You’re Really In Love?

March 1, 2011 in Facebook Divorce, Featured with 4 Comments

How do you know when you’re in love? That question may not be as easily answered as you think. As time passes for us, the way we love changes and grows. We learn new ways to be loved and to love back, we experience new feelings as we go along. And with new feelings of love comes new attachments, new relationships, new families. We incorporate these into our lives as we grow up, it’s a part of that which makes us who we are. And with the highs come the lows. New heartbreaks, new pain, new reasons to hang your head and cry. These are also a part of who we are and are just as important when it comes to defining the person we are.

There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. The line between the two can be a bit blurry sometimes. I love my daughter, I was in love with her mother, the two are nowhere near the same thing. I love my friends but I am not in love with my friends. Just as they love me but are not in love with me. A lot of people get that one confused. So how do you know when you’re in love? Feelings of love can be very confusing.

Well I would like to be able to tell you that you’ll know it when you find it. Some do. Those are the lucky ones. The others either just don’t see it, or don’t know how to handle it when it comes to them. There are a lot of reasons for that. Some people are immature, and don’t know how to handle themselves in a real life situation because they never had to do that before. They always had someone to fall back on, usually an overbearing parent, or relative.

Some people are just born to deceive and hurt people. They like the power that hurting someone gives them over that person, so they do it repeatedly. Even they can’t really help themselves, but don’t ever tell one of them that. And some people just don’t know what real love means. Sometimes the ones that do end up tangled with the ones that don’t, and that’s the cause of most divorces in this world.

Divorce is an ugly word, but a cold reality. So everything has been said, everything has been signed, most of her things have been taken out, and the kids have already said their tearful good-byes. Now what? Well life goes on, even when you would rather it didn’t. Sometimes you cry for what you lost, other times you are glad it came to this, because you still have a chance to do something different with your life. Well now that you have that chance, you find that you are more than a little nervous about moving on. You look around and you realize that everyone you look at seems a little bit different than you remember them. You wonder how many of them have heard about your divorce, and what they think. You wonder if people will still want to talk to you, knowing your story. You feel embarrassed that you stayed in your marriage so long, when it was more than plain that it wasn’t going to work.

So how do you know you’re in love? One of the hardest things in the world to do is to sleep in that bed once it’s just you sleeping there. Even though things weren’t the greatest, you’ve gotten used to that presence by your side in the night. Now that it’s gone you might feel like you need to refill that void as soon as possible. So you look around you, and you make a quick choice, and call that love, and take it home. So the next morning, either one of of two things happened. Either you DID find true love again in the blink of an eye, in which case you can stop reading now. Or after some wild and heated passion, you find yourself lying awake and wondering how you managed to fall this far down.

Some people just falter after their divorce, bouncing around a lot but never staying long enough in one place to form any kind of ties. It’s not easy trusting in love again, after something like that. You keep looking for something to go wrong. You keep looking over your shoulder, waiting for someone to jump out and yell “Cut!” Some people have a hard time believing they won’t be hurt again.

It’s not easy to move on after you’ve given someone your heart and soul before God and had it thrown back at you. It takes something out of you to know that you just weren’t enough. No matter the circumstance you will at first find a way to blame yourself. Hopefully that won’t last long. Some things just aren’t meant to be no matter how much you rail at them. The trick is to put the past behind you and lock it away for good. Everyone has a past, some good, some bad. That doesn’t mean you can’t be a different person today, or even right this very minute. It’s not easy, some people never manage to do it.

But it is possible, as long as you believe that you are entitled to, and worthy of love again. Everyone deserves to be happy that certainly includes you. You have to take the step back from the painful time, and find a way to trust again, we all know that trust is the glue that binds love. And then all you need is the right person. There are a lot of people out there, both men and beautiful women, who have gone through the same things as you have.

They have the felt the same pain, cried the same tears, hidden the same fears as you have. If you are looking for love again, try to find someone who has been there and did that. Most people who have been through something painful are reluctant to go through it again, or to hurt someone else that way. I believe that love is out there for everyone if you look hard enough. How will you know when you’re in love? I don’t have that answer, no one does except you yourself.

How Lawyers Are Catching Facebook Cheaters – And How You Can Too

December 17, 2010 in Facebook Divorce with 1 Comment

Would you be surprised to discover that at least 80 percent of divorce lawyers polled for a recent survey said they used Facebook and other social sites to catch a cheating spouse or discover online activities that could affect a divorce? They have even provided the evidence in court to help win custody battles, obtain more child support, and make sure their clients come out ahead in divorce wars.

The survey was conducted by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and Facebook was used to gain the lion’s share of evidence a whopping 66 percent of the time.

To catch a cheating spouse on Facebook, clients and divorce lawyers may work together. Sometimes divorce lawyers even get a client’s help to catch a unfaithful spouse on Facebook. You can sometimes use these same tactics before you make that first visit to your lawyer’s office. Armed with the information, you’ll save some money over paying a lawyer or private investigator to track down your cheating spouse.

Understandably so, you might feel very uncomfortable spying on a spouse. But if you have decided to divorce and strongly suspect or already know your spouse is having an affair, having proof can make a huge difference in court. Photos, online messages, and other evidence gathered from Facebook can be hard to dispute.

Remember, people have won case after case by using this evidence and the majority of divorce lawyers use Facebook more than any other site to catch a spouse who is having an affair or engaging in activities that could affect finances and custody rights during a divorce.

Divorce wars can get very ugly. To protect yourself, you’ll want to be vigilant and make sure your Facebook account and other online information is safe from the eyes of your spouse’s divorce lawyer. The safest course may be to temporarily delete any accounts, even if you aren’t doing anything wrong.

So exactly how do divorce lawyers catch unfaithful spouses on Facebook? Turns out it may not be that hard. Divorce lawyers catch a cheating spouse by looking at Facebook photos -and you may be able to do the same thing.

While it may be hard to believe that anyone about to go through a divorce would be dense enough to leave compromising photos on Facebook, an astounding number of husbands and wives do exactly that. If they haven’t accepted a friend invitation from their spouses or they have unfriended their spouses, they may mistakenly believe they are safe.

So a soon to be ex-spouse may go ahead and post photos where he or she is shown drinking, partying, and even kissing a new lover. If the spouse has been lying about this, attorneys can use that evidence. Divorce lawyers can usually find ways to get to those Facebook photos to catch a deceptive spouse – but so can you.
You can enlist the help of a friend, good neighbor, or distant relative to sign onto Facebook and friend your spouse. Obviously, you want to use someone your spouse doesn’t know. If that person adds your spouse as a friend, access to photos is available. Bingo!

Just like that, compromising photos can pop up. Photos don’t necessarily have to show a new lover. If your spouse has lied about using drugs or engaging in other dangerous behavior, photos that show alcohol being chugged can reveal the truth.

To catch a cheating spouse on Facebook, divorce lawyers look at posted messages and updates
Again, some spouses just don’t play it safe on Facebook. They list their status as single and then proceed to brag about going on romantic vacations with new lovers. They tell their spouses that they are going on business trips and then take off for romantic rendezvouses.

They write about how drunk they got every weekend. These kinds of messages don’t sit well with some judges. Sometimes a spouse forgets to log out of a Facebook account and gets caught when a soon to be ex-partner sees the compromising messages.

A cheating spouse may be lying about more than fidelity. During a divorce, child support and custody are often at stake. If your spouse pleads a lack of money but shows off expensive items like jewelry, boats and luxury cars on Facebook, it is hard to make a case for having financial difficulties. That can affect how much child support you receive – or have to pay.

These are just a few of the methods divorce lawyers use to catch a cheating spouse. Sometimes you can try the same tactics. Is it fair? It is hard for many spouses who are lying about having lovers or a lack of funds to make a case for fairness when they aren’t telling the truth.

Divorce lawyers can and will use Facebook to find damaging information which can help bolster divorce cases – and you’ll pay for every cent of that time if you are among the lawyer’s clients.. Of course, you may feel more comfortable letting your lawyer do the investigating, especially if these tactics seem unethical or make you feel guilty. That’s a judgment call. But at least you’ll know some of the techniques that may be used to catch a cheating spouse.

Source: Big Surge in Social Networking Evidence Says Survey of Nation’s Top Divorce Lawyers, American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, Feb.10, 2010, here

Advice After Doing the Cheating – Please Help Out Laura

September 15, 2010 in Cheating Stories with 49 Comments

I received this email from Laura last week. Laura cheated on her fiancé only a few months before they were to get married. She found an old friend on Facebook and it all started out as just chatting so she says in her email. It led to an affair and she’s disgusted and terrified she’ll lose the love of her life. She’s looking for some advice on what she can do to put her life back together after cheating.

Can you guys help Laura out with some advice after cheating?

Hi Ken Savage,
I’ve read your website in its entirety and I’m learning what its like to be cheated on. Unfortunately the situation is a little different and I’m the one that did the cheating. I know I was wrong and I’m trying to see the point of view of the people that get hurt from this type of behavior. I’m disgusted by my actions to my future husband and also to the family of his as well as mine. I put my trust in this man and he did the same for me when he asked me to marry him 1 year ago. But with the huge planning and stress that comes along with something like this I got caught up in someone else and his simple lifestyle. You see both our families come from families who are very involved in public business and politics and it would be a huge issue for us.

I met my husband at a charity event out in the cold in New York city. I remember it was a miserable day in September. Raining and unseasonably cold and we were both working on a Habitat for Humanity project on Staten Island. I smashed my finger using a hammer or something and he took off his gloves and warmed my hands with his. He never even looked at me while doing it and I was trying to fight back tears from the pain. I asked him why we was helping me and he simply said “because you looked like you were in pain.”

You see most New Yorkers would step over you if you were bleeding in the streets. Thats what I expected from the people around me who weren’t family or friends. For him to jump off some scaffolding thingy and help me for 10 seconds while the pain went away was thoughtful and unlikely to me. I looked in his eyes and he didn’t have that look I was used to with most people. He seemed like he really cared. We exchanged phone numbers and we’ve been together now for 3 years.

So now I don’t want to just say sorry for my actions over the last 2 weeks. I want to prove to my man that I am sorry and what we could have could be special.

I wondered if you could help me now?

If there is any piece of advice you can offer Laura from your personal experiencing, she would appreciate comments below.

Thank you
-Ken

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