After almost 28 years of marriage I have been totally blown away by what I recently found. Our marriage has not been perfect, like any couple we have had our ups and downs but the good times have far outweighed the bad.
This is a long story, but here it goes. First off I need to tell you about what the past few months have been like for our family. In mid-July my wife’s Grandmother was diagnosed with a brain tumor and given 6 – 8 weeks to live. During this time we were on the road quite a lot from our home in Georgia to Franklin, North Carolina where her Grandmother lived. My wife’s Grandmother passed away Sept. 11 but that was only the beginning. 2 days later my father-in-law had a stroke and a heart attack and ended up in a hospital in Asheville, NC. The hospital was 3 hours away from our home. One week after his heart attack and stroke my mother-in-law fell and broke her hip at the hospital and had to have emergency surgery. After a long stay in hospital there and then more time in rehab, on October 3rd we finally managed to get both of them back home. On October 7th my father-in-law ended up back in the hospital for another 14 days. He was released from there into rehab (near our home this time), he spent 3 days before being sent back to the hospital. Throughout all of this he has suffered multiple strokes and has now been sent home under Hospice care. As you can tell our family has been through a tremendous amount since July. It is truly mind numbing for me to have also found out everything else that has been going on during this time.
In the midst of all of this chaos my wife somehow ended up talking with an old friend from North Carolina. His Grandmother and my wife’s Grandmother were good friends and somehow during her illness he and my wife ended up talking on the phone. They soon found each other on Facebook and then the story begins. Looking back now I realize that around that same time she began logging off her Facebook account but at that time I didn’t think anything about it. We had always shared our passwords with one another; it was not uncommon for us to log into the others account to send items for games on Facebook. One day I could not login to her account, I initially thought that I had just forgotten her password when I tried again a couple of days later it was then that I knew she had changed her password. During all of this we were staying in constant contact with her family so I didn’t think much about my wife being on the phone so much but after a while I started to n otice that she would go outside to talk. She would get defensive if I asked who it was. I thought this was odd but I wrote it off to the stress of everything that was going on. Soon after that I caught her in a couple of lies; she had told me that she was talking to a friend of ours. It just happened that I had just spoken to that same friend so I knew something was up. I pulled up our cell phone records online and found that she was talking to someone in Alabama. That was very odd because neither of us had any family there. When I did a search on the phone number it tied back to a Holiness Church in Hamilton, Alabama. When I looked at their website I saw that their pastor’s name looked very familiar. I looked at her Facebook friends list and found him there. The calls had started on Sept. 22 and rapidly escalated. The phone calls had gone from short occasional phone calls to calls every day, some of them hours long. She was not big on texting but in a month she had almost 4000 texts and over 30 hours on the phone with him. It turns out that he was a friend that had lived in the same town in North Carolina as her Grandmother. My wife would spend lots of time there in the summers growing up and as it turns out they had dated a couple of times in their teens. I have never been one to spy on my wife but at this point I knew that I had to see what was going on so I set up a data logger and screen capture program on our laptop and set up access so that I log in remotely. This was in early October.
During all of this their Facebook relationship grew daily. Once I began getting screenshots from Facebook I was totally blown away by what I was seeing. She had been deleting their chat records so I did not get to see everything that had gone on up until that point and she had me blocked from chat so that I could not see when she was online. In just a few days we would be celebrating our 28 year Anniversary and here I was suddenly seeing my wife declaring her undying love to this so called preacher. Talking about how they would figure this thing out and that soon they would find a way to be together no matter what it takes. She had told him that she was unhappy and gave him the classic “I still love him but I am just not “in” love with him anymore” and that I just had not been there for her when she really needed me. During the time that all of this was going on we were almost constantly together when I was not at work and I had even taken several day s off. They even discussed the possibility of him trying to relocate to another church in Georgia so that they could be closer. During this time my wife and I were actually planning a cruise which ended up being cancelled due to my Father-in-laws declining health. My wife was trying on evening gowns for our formal nights and sending him the pictures. He told her that he really liked one in particular; she said she would wear it when she comes to pick him up. They had discussed a point half way where they could meet at. I could literally type page after page of what I saw in their Facebook Chats. I began dropping obvious hints that should have clued my wife in that I knew. I even used an anonymous text service and sent him verses about adultery. They even discussed the verses in their chats and still ignored it. I knew that I had to stay calm and think everything through. I did not want to cause any confusion in our family with everything else that was happening but by Oct. 18th I had seen all I could stand. I was staying overnight at the hospital with my Father-in-law, all of our family had been taking turns staying so that everyone could at least get some rest. I logged into my laptop remotely and they were chatting, at that point I could have taken over and joined directly in the chat. I sent him a Friend request just to see what their response was. Up until that point they had no idea that I knew anything. They had even mentioned it several times in their chats and she kept assuring him that I was clueless. They were both very surprised to say the least but I think they just thought I was “fishing” for information. They thought the most that I could know was about the phone calls. My wife made the statement that “I wish he would just “man up” and say something”. That was all it took. Moments later he received a message on Facebook and my wife received the same via email. I explained that I knew everything at that point. Looking back now I still think they really had no clue just how much I did know. By that point I had dozens of screen shots from their chats and even portions of their phone conversations and through a weird twist of fate I ended up with a portion of their chat history as well. She thought they were covering their tracks but my computer was taking a screenshot every time there was a change so that it was recorded even if she deleted it.
It was the next evening before my wife and I had a chance to sit down and talk. We had quite a long talk. I knew from their comments that they had seen each other at some point. She told me that nothing had happened between them; that he had been in North Carolina visiting family and had come to the hospital while he was close by to see her parents. She said that it was just all a stupid thing and that it had just gotten out of control and that it was over. She said she knew that he would not leave his wife. She told me that he had confessed to his wife and that his wife had contacted her and confronted her about the situation and that both of their Facebook accounts were being deleted. I would truly love to hear the story that he told his wife but I am quite sure that he did not tell her the truth. I love my wife and wanted nothing more than to put all of this behind us.
We talked a lot and things seemed to be going well for a couple of days. A few days later he sent me an e mail apologizing and how sincerely sorry that he was. He said that it just started out innocently because he was truly concerned about her family and things just got out of control and asked for my forgiveness. I told him in no uncertain terms that forgiveness was not a problem but that forgetting was however, a much different story and that what I expected in return was for him to cut off all contact with my wife permanently. I also suggested that if he would spend as much time talking to his wife as he did mine that they might work out whatever problems they had. When I got home that night my wife’s attitude was completely different. I had a gut instinct that at that point that they were still communicating somehow. Shortly after that I received a notification from my computer that there was activity on a new email address on our computer. At this point they have no clue that I have received a copy of every email that they have sent each other since this has started back. Both of them knew that when they were asking for forgiveness they had every intention of continuing their fling. They started out cautiously, just little chit chat. I think they were trying to test the waters just to see if I knew they were back at it. It went from cautious emails to them using my wife’s Father’s phone when she was with him or her sister’s phone. She knows I get all of the records if she uses her phone. She got a prepaid cell phone from her sister but she hasn’t bought a card for it yet, I feel sure that will happen soon. I knew from their Facebook chats that she had already gotten the phone from her Sister before I confronted them and was planning on getting it activated. She even bought a cable for it when we were shopping one evening. She said her sister needed it because she had broken hers. I noticed it in her pocketbook a few days later and she said she had forgotten to give it to her. I looked through the logs on my wireless router and saw where it had connected to my wireless internet when she charged it up. I think my father-in-law had a prepaid phone, minutes have ran out on it so now she even has him calling on her Mother’s phone so they can talk. I guess she has told her Mother that he is just calling to check on them being the fine upstanding preacher that he is, I guess that she has not realized that she is conveniently always there when he calls.
The whole thing has been mind blowing to watch. This is two adults in their mid-forties and they are literally acting like Junior High School kids. At first they were careful but every day they get a little bolder. They are now back to exchanging pictures again and I know that if it continues long enough they will soon start discussing another rendezvous if the opportunity presents itself. Every email has something like “1stluvneverdies”, “your 1st ___” or something like that. My wife put her sister’s name on the email account that she created, I guess she thought that would throw someone off. Kind of hard to deny though when all the pics she sent were of her. At first they would never write out the word Love, they would just leave a blank or a heart. They send each other songs and she puts them on the phone for her ringtone. I don’t think she has realized the significance of my ringtone yet, it is Jo Dee Messina’s “My give a damns busted”. I thought she might pick up on the hint. Maybe they think that if they don’t fill in the blanks that they can deny it or maybe God can’t figure it out. I also pieced things together through various comments that were made in their emails and figured out that they had met and spent the day together on October 4th. He may have visited at the hospital but the 4th was after her parents had gotten out of the hospital. The more that I look the larger the web of lies grows. I now think that the lies are somehow creating a thrill for her. I have noticed that she will make it a point to tell me who she is texting on her phone, every time I will just mentally note the time and every time that I look she was actually emailing him at that time. Yesterday he had sent her a pic of a late 60’s Camaro; I noticed that it was saved on her phone when we were at dinner so I ask her whose car it was. Sh e had that “deer in the headlights look” for a brief second but quickly concocted a story that her nephew had sent it to her and then had to go on and explain that it belonged to a friend of his and he wanted her to show it to her Dad. The really crazy thing is that while all of this is going on he is actually preaching a Revival. Evidently the bible he preaches from doesn’t apply to him. I found out that he is no longer the Pastor of the Church where I first found him on the internet but that he is now trying to start another church. While all of this has been going on I have done quite an extensive background search on him. It is quite amazing the amount of information you can find about some people on the internet. All of the pics that he sends have location info attached as well so they have provided a wealth of information.
At this point I have no idea how this is going to end but I know that one way or another I have to end it soon. I just hate the thought of creating more stress in our family with everything that is already going on, especially with the holidays coming up. I truly love my wife and I always will but I seriously do not know if I can ever bring myself to trust her again. It is like the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”. I gave them both ample opportunity to end it as quietly as possibly. This time around I think lots of people are going to have to hear all of the sordid details. I think that maybe it is time for people to see him for what he really is.
I have just found out from their emails that he is in Florida now visiting his Son and his family. He has even sent my wife pics of his grandson. He was kind enough to send those pics with GPS info attached so now I have another verified address. If we had actually taken our cruise we would have driven right by where he is staying near Jacksonville on our way home. I could have just dropped by there in person and maybe we could have worked this whole thing out!