My story is quite long. Though it feels like it has gone by quickly. I am a 52 yr old man who caught his wife cheating.
First let me give you the back story.
Back in September 2009, I created a Facebook page. ( I know,…..the start of many marital problems.) But I did this to compete with my wife in some of the games there. A few weeks and many friend adds later, my old high-school crush joined. I admit I had looked for her when looking for other school friends. I quickly added her and saw that she was single again.
At first, the conversations , messages, started out as a catching up type of thing. Then it moved to private emails. I told about the crush I had on her, then it bacame romantic. Of course, she saw I was married. Then it led to my plans to be with her…….though she now lived 1200 miles away. She was 10 years single after 1 marraige.
Now, why did I make these moves? For a most of 2009 my wife had gotten very verbally abuse to me and our teenage (14) daughter. I still don’t know to this day what caused all this. I do know that she refused to talk about it and got very abusive if I brought it up. Though we both worked 2 jobs and that may have had something to do with it. We had little time together when we weren’t both exhausted…….and, due to that, the sex had become 1 or twice a month.
Additionally, my 2nd job was as a musician that kept me away most Friday and Saturday nights. (That is also how we first met 21 years ago.) Now, I never really spoke to other women where I performed other than in a professional manner. The point is she spent many weekend nights at home alone with our daughter.
She used to go with me to all my gigs when our daughter was young enough to go to baby sitters. But as she got older, 12 -16, my wife just stayed home with her.
My wife owned her own business (hair salon) that operated from our home property. But she worked as late as 9pm or 10pm Mon – Thur. Then she worked at that every Saturday from 8AM – until 4PM.
This business started in 2000 when our daughter started school…….so she could be home when she got off school bus.
Then in October of 2007 she went back to work at the company she left and continued to run her salon nights and Saturdays.
Cut to the chase: for 12 years now, we have had very little “us” time. I know this is what caused her bitterness, which led to my “online” activity.
January 11, 2010…..(how many of you remember exact dates of this stuff?) My wife had been acting a little distant since Christmas, 2 weeks before. We usually met for lunch during the day. On this day, she told me she needed to go home for lunch….said her “stomach was bothering her”. She called me on her way back to work from the house with the “Who the HELL is Cathy” questions. I quickly tried to lie my way out of it…..
I had been quite careful (IT mgr)…..I thought. I never used any devices at home to comunnicate. But on that Sunday night, the 10th, I had drafted an email to the OW and mailed to my work address so I could forward it on the next morning. I forgot to delete it from the Sent Items on my PC at home.
This email detailed that, since Christmas was over, I would start making plans to leave and to “have you for the rest of my life”. She read that to me over and over. I rushed home and we “had it out” for the rest of the day and into the night. I admitted everything saying how and why it happened. She knew that there was never any physical contact between me and the OW. She contacted the OW and told her I was free to be hers. I ended all contact with the OW at that very moment. My wife added her as her FB friend as still is to this day.
We spent the next few months trying to fix things. Most of 2010 had lots of ups and downs …..she read my emails and txt msgs every day. And, would come to my office and go through my stuff at work. I did not care, I was committed to her and meant it. I have had no contact at all since that day. Totally 100% – my wife.
2011 was going really good….as least I thought. She had started trusting me a lot more and we went to Hawaii for a dream vacation on our Anniversary in May. The only thing, I left the card I got for her on an end table by the front door when the shuttle picked us up. She had something for me on the anniversary day two days later in Hawaii. I did not know that I forgot mine…until that moment. It was where I told it was when we got back home. But she secretly took that as a sign that I did not care about her.
I was diagnosed with diabetes in 2006. Things were ok with this at first….but some of the 6 meds that have me take have caused some ED issues. The problem is, the diabetes and meds make it worse as time goes on. She started taking the ED issues as “you don’t want me”. I never told her about the ED problem due to embarrassment until Decmber, 7 months ago. I don’t think she really believed me. But I did schedule the dreaded doctor appoint…….who wanted to run tests.
Things were “iffy” now due to the ED problem. I was scared to touch her now because if things did not work, she would cry because I did not want her. And it was worse if she initiated, because it might work then quit or not at all. So, instead of telling her, I did nothing.
March 24th was/is a special day. It is the anniversary of the first time we made love back in 1991. It was a truly magical night out of town. We had done some “special things” on this date a few times over the years in remembrance. This year she told me we would no longer celebrate Valentine’s Day (because it was my OW’s birthday). She said that we would celebrate March 24 from now on.
She had quit her hair salon last June, closed it up. But I was still playing music. I had a lot of gigs scheduled. By March, the doc had prescribed Cialis for me to take of the problems the other meds caused…..and it really worked, no more ED ….but now she was not so interested.
On March 17th, I was playing a gig and the club manager asked me to work the following Saturday…..that’s right….March 24th. Without thinking, I said “yes”. I didn’t think about the date at the moment. And, as a band leader, I took the job to keep my guys working. That was the only reason I was still playing anyway.
On Tuesday, the UPS man delivered a box to our house with her name on it. I kept asking what it was. She kept playing and smiling, finally saying “Well, go ahead. It’s yours anyway.” It was a beautifully engraved decoration in glass, to me, with an inscription and the date 03-24-2012.
I spent the next two days trying to come up with something “better”….and with problems at work and the upcoming gig, time got away from me.
The 24th came and there was an incredibly beautiful card for me that morning, with a really touching handwritten inscription of how much she loved me. I had nothing for her.
She took that really hard and told me that night that “it’s over, I’m tired of trying. You don’t love me or care or you would have done something.” She said “don’t do anything for our anniversary either”.
I begged forgiveness, explaining what I had been going through at work and with the band.
The next day things were a little icy. But a day or two later things seemed ok and I though she got over it and accepted my apology. There were lots of “I love you”s from her and she initiated a lot of sexual activity…even waking me in the night.
The first week of April, I noticed that she was acting a little strange. We have a 7 ft couch that reclines on each end. She always reclines on one end while I recline on the other. She always has her laptop on her lap. Suddenly, this week, she would started to sit at an angle where her screen was not visible to me. Never before.
Then she started getting at 5:30 AM during the week instead of 7AM. She leaves work after I do (7:30). For the first couple days I did not worry. She told me she was getting up to fix breakfast for our 17 yr old daughter. Turns out that was a lie.
I started getting up early and as soon as I walked into the room, she would quickly turn so that I could not see the screen.
This was going on for all of April. Third week of April, she told me that one of our friends was having a “Adult Sex Toy” party at her house and wanted her to come. I did not worry as she had been to a couple of these over the years and got stuff for us. On Sat, the 28th, she asked me to sit next to her on the couch and look at sex toys online to pick out “something for us” . Of course, I did.
She left the house and returned about three hours later telling me that they did not have anything we did not already have.
The next few days went by. I would be sitting there and her fingers just flying on her keyboard. If I leaned in that direction, she would shift even more. If I asked what she was typing so much, she said “just looking stuff up, is that OK with you”.
The on May 1st, she tells me asks me if she should take a day off work…..she had not been treated very fairly there lately. Of course, being very support, I told her that she should take a day off so that her boss would see what all did not get done without her there.
So, she tells me she is taking off on Monday the 7th. That she is going to go shopping to a place about 25 miles away with our neighbor. We spend Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday in expensive restaurants, and I fill her car up with gas on Sunday the 6th.
On that Saturday, the 5th, our daughter was out for a few hours. We are sitting there on the couch and she has the laptop, turned away from me. Suddenly she smiles really big and says, “You want to go the bed and get naked?”. I jumped at that opportunity. She asks me if I took one of my pills (Cialis). I told No……but every thing worked great….and we were quite vigorous….both wanting each other. Then she fell asleep in my arms for the first time in months.
On Monday, the 7th, she calls me at 8:45AM to tell me she is leaving to house to get the lady neighbor. She then called me from a “bathroom” at 12:45 to tell me they stopped at the restroom and described all the clothes our neighbor had bought for her daughter. And that they had more shopping to do. She then called me a 3:47 to tell me that she was driving home.
She then called me on my way home at 5PM. And for the first time in months, she was calling me “baby” and “sweetie”. I thought the day off work had really done the trick. But when I got home, I went to her and kissed her. While kissing her my hand roamed down between her legs. She quickly moved my hand away. Never before had that happened, EVER.
All this time, there were plenty of “I Love You”‘s on the phone and in person. Our 20th anniversary was two days later on the 9th. I had spent a lot of time on the 7th getting flowers, candy and balloons ordered. I went out a lunch (since she was not with me) and picked a really nice card and a Diamond Bulova watch for her. (Yeah, while she was screwing him I was out spending lots of money on her.)
On the morning of the 9th, I work her up with the card. She read it and pointed out that I missed a word. She kissed me goodbye and told me she loved me. Later, I asked her to meet me at a nice restaurant for lunch. Right before she left to meet me, the florist delivered. She texted me a picture of the balloons.
She was oddly very quiet at lunch and wiped away a few tears. I did not understand. At the end she got in her car. Visibly upset. Teary eyed. I leaned down to kiss her and got a quick corner of the lips kiss. I said I love you……and she quietly mumbled it back to me.
She called me at 3:30 on her break. She asked me why I couldn’t “just leave things the way they were.” I told her I loved her and was showing it. She said, “I told you it was over”.
When I got home it was a completely different household. No more hugs, no kisses, no speaking. She started wearing a night shirt to bed (always naked before). I reached out to touch her in the night and she roughly knocked my hand away.
We were planning a graduation party for our daughter for the 20th, and getting ready for the graduation on the 18th. Things were really busy. But, if I said I Love You, all I got in return was “Uh-Hunh”.
So, obviously wondering what was really wrong and what I could do, I started getting up early with her. On the morning of the 16th, she was already up. I went to the living room where she was already on the computer. I sat down beside her and she quickly tried to push me away saying “don’t sit next to my you haven’t had a shower yet.” I said “well you haven’t either”. She clicked away for a few keystrokes and left the room.
I picked up the computer and facebook was open. But I did not look closely at it. She was back in bed asleep at this moment. I took a shower, dressed and went back to living room. I heard her get up and get in the shower. I then went back to the computer. The Facebook page was open to a user name I had never heard of and it was a name that was not a ‘human” mane. The next tab was a yahoo tab. So clicked on it and it was an email sign in page. So I clicked in the area where you put your username and the field filled in an email address I had never heard of that was similar to the Facebook name.
Wonedered the rest of the day about that. When I got home, her computer was off. I turned it on and went to Facebook and Yahoo. The login fields automatically filled in the usernames I had seen that morning. I turned it off and when she got home she was using the computer immediately. About an hour later, she announced that she was “going to fix supper”. While she was in the kitchen, I picked up her computer. Facebook was on and logged in to the fake page. There was only ONE friend and there were no details…..no wall posts, no news feed, and no messages. So I quickly sent a friend request to her real Facebook page. I logged in to her real page with my iPad and accepted the friend request.
About an hour later, she came back to sit with her computer. At this point she was sitting “straight” so I could see what she was doing. She quickly closed out everything and restarted Facebook. Logged in to her real page. She looked around for a while. Then I saw her scrolling through here “friends”. This went on for a while. Then she suddenly shifted so I could not see for a little while.
The next morning, May 17th, I got up and she was already on the couch typing away. I took a shower and got ready to leave. When she got in the shower, I checked the computer. Looking at where she had just been…..Facebook with the fake login.
I made note of the Yahoo login name and the Facebook login name and went to work. Now, I am an IT Manager…..so the next part was really easy. I hacked into her fake Yahoo email account and there were 52 messages that were mirrors of the fake Facebook message conversations ALL from the only friend on the fake page. I quickly printed them all. Then I changed the password. I hacked into the fake Facebook page, unfriended him, changed the password.
I had checked her cell phone call logs for the previous 20 days. I had a few numbers that I had to trace a I did not recognize them. 1 traced back to the OM mother, one to his house, and 2 went to his work places.
I then called him at work. I verified that it was him. Then I said, “If you don’t stay away from my wife, Melony, I am going to call Patti. Do you understand me?” There was a very quiet pause and he said, “I don’t give a shit what you do, buddy.” He hung up.
Less than 5 seconds later I called my wife’s work number (because she would have to answer). I said, “I just got off the phone with Jason.” There was stunned silence. Then in a very whispery, but angry, voice, she said, “Why do you want to go and make somebody else’s life miserable? Maybe I’ll just give miss Cathy a call.” (referring to the woman I was involved with 2 years earlier) I told her to go ahead, I had not talked to her in over two years….call and find out….said she’d have to find a number because I did not have it. She hung up on me.
I immediately got busy finding the OM’s wife. Left her a message at her work. While waiting, my wife called me back. She wanted to know if I had talked to his wife. I told her, not yet. I then lost it and started asking a lot of questions……the big one…..did you go with him when you were supposed to be shopping “last Monday”. No response. I said, “did you have sex with him that day”. The response was, “I am not going to lie to you.” I said, “I am not asking for a lie, it’s very simple….answer me, yes or no, did you have sex with him?” She said, “yes”.
I was in our employee parking lot at work for privacy. It hit me like a gunshot. I fell to my knees. I really don’t remember what the rest of that short conversation was. I only remember what I just said.
A few minutes later the Other Mans Wife called me. I told her who I was, who my wife is….she knew my wife’s name. I told her what I know and about the emails I had printed. She wanted copies of them. She said that he told her he had to go to work in Atlanta the day my wife was “going shopping”. She knew that the two of them had dated 22 years ago. She and he had been married 17 years, 2 young kids – ages 4 and 7. She was on the way to their daughter’s kindergarten graduation. She said she’d have to call me back in a bit.
I tried to do a little work but couldn’t. I called my wife back and blasted her with a lot of comments, questions, whys and whats…..she said she could not continue the conversation at work. She refused to meet me for lunch for the first time ever.
The Other Man’s Wife called me later in the afternoon. I told her everything I could and all that I knew. She then told me that she had an affair about 8 months ago and he found out……they had been trying to work things out. She knew my wife from 21 years previous….not friends, just knew. She gave me a little more info about their dynamics.
My wife then wanted to meet me at lunch time in the back parking lot of a restaurant to talk. I was worried about that as it was strange that she asked to meet me at that type of location. I asked if she was coming alone. She sarcastically replied, “Why, you gonna kill me?”. In reality I wondered if the OM was going to be there for maybe something like that.
When we got there, she wanted me to get in her car. I lost my cool – completely. In 21 and a half years, I have never raised my voice to her for anything. I got in her car and yelled, “So did you suck his dick like you do mine?”. She rolled her eyes, and simply said, “Please”. When I started telling/yelling things I had read she started crying. I said that she and he planned the “shopping” trip that day to have sex. She said it was not planned, that it just happened. I told her that I saw where he texted her “I’m here.” And then texted “I’m in 237”…..just before she left our house. I told her I was not stupid and there was no need for a hotel if sex was not planned. She said “you have to have somewhere to meet someone.” I angrily yelled, “Do not treat me like I’m stupid. He went to get a hotel room and you waited to know the room number before you left the house.&rdquo ; I told her I saw where he texted her “I hope you had fun in the shower” and asked her if she was masturbating about him…..and she replied, Yes. I told her that I saw where he was trying to force his wife to fill out a Marital Separtion Agreement a few days before. I told her I saw him tell her, “everything will be alright if we move slowly. I don’t want to bring shame on my family. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”
She told me that she felt trapped and she needed to move out. She said that she needed to be alone to find out if she still loved me…..or him or anyone. She wanted me to let her go. At the moment, I had no idea how someone who had not lied to me for over 20 years was being so deceitful to my face. She wanted me to let her go with a divorce and after few months we could start to build our relationship back to what it used to be.
I told her the affair had to stop. She kept saying that she didn’t want me to give my info to the Other Man’s Wife. I asked her if it would stop. She said, “What choice do I have?”. I told her that was not an answer. She repeated it. I asked again. She repeated it. Again, I said that I needed a yes or no answer. She said that if I would not give the Other Man’s Wife the info then, yes, it would stop that day. This ended with that after an hour of her crying and me yelling and a little crying from me too.
I left work a little early to get home at least an hour before my wife. On the drive home the Other Man’s Wife called me again. Her husband had gotten home. She blasted him and he confessed to everything. He told her about the sex that day. He also told her about another sex episode that occurred on a Saturday afternoon when my wife went to their house and their bed. This is the day that my wife told me she was going to a “sex toy shopping party with the girls”. The woman was absolutely furious because it was in her bed with her children home while she was at work. She made several deadly threats toward my wife. She said he told her they were supposed to meet that very day after work for sex again. My wife had said, for two days, that she had some shopping to do after work that day.
She said, “he told me that he had told her he loved her, but that he really doesn’t. He said he told her he was going to divorce me to be with her.” She said that she told him to “Leave, go get her if you want her.” She said he was currently inside the house and she was outside. She said she knew him very well and he was not going anywhere and he really did not love my wife. That it was more of a “revenge” type thing. She said he could not afford to leave her anyway. That she would be getting $950 a month in child support alone.
I got home and checked all my wife’s internet history. She had been looking at Georgia Child Support sites for 3 weeks. She had been looking at real estate sites searching for a house. She had been looking at adult sex oriented lingerie sites for 2 weeks. She still does not know that I know this……but I am an IT guy so with all the other things I found, she probably knows I saw that.
She got home and went straight to the bedroom. I wanted more answers and she was extremely upset and the only thing she wanted to know was if I was going to give the OMW the info I had. She wanted to know if I had talked to the OMW. I told her that I had and that she wanted copies of the messages. I told her that the affair had to stop right that minute. Not another contact at all except to tell it was over. My daughter was in the front of the house alone – but she knew I had been checking up on her mom…..the relationship between the two of them had been strained for about a year. I went to check on our daughter. When I went back down the hallway, my wife met me in the hallway with “You talking to her just sent me straight to him, thank you very much.” She continued to the living room……to the computer.
She said she was going to bed at about 8PM. I let her go alone. After she was asleep, I went to her computer and continued to look for anything else. There was nothing else to be found. But I did log in to my Facebook page and sent a friend request to the Other Man’s Wife.
I went to bed around 11PM. She woke up. I told her that I found out that the sex was not one time. That I knew it had happened on the “toy party” day. She replied that “it wasn’t sex sex”. When I asked what that meant she said, “Ok, it was sex”. (A week later she told me that it was limited to oral sex that day.) I asked her what he had to say to her earlier that day. She said he called her that morning right after I called him and told her what I said to him……and wanted to know if she was ok. She said she had not heard from him since. I told her what the OMW told me and that he told his wife that he said he did not really love her and was staying with his wife.
The next morning, the 18th, and graduation day for our daughter. She texted me at about 8:30 saying, “It’s over, you don’t have to give her that information.” It took a few messages back and forth to get her to say, “yes, Jason and me, it’s over. My life is back to what it used to be……whatever that was.”
I asked how that came about. She said that he called her a few minutes before that. She said his wife “became furious when you sent her a friend request. She said she wants us out of their lives.” She said that the two of them admitted to each other that they still loved their spouses and had too many years invested to throw it all away and they should not speak to or see each other again.
She said, “I can’t believe you called his wife and told her what you found.” I told her I was only fighting for her because I did truly love her…..and that if I had found out and did nothing, what would that have said….. I told her that I wasn’t sorry for anything. I did what a man who loves his wife should do…..and she should feel lucky that I am a non-violent man….things could have gotten worse. I had pictures of him at work, at home, work addresses, pics of his house, wife, kids, home address, mothers phone and address, pics of mothers house, property records, etc….. I could have done a lot more including something physical…..but I had not.
I asked her to go to lunch with me. She said yes. My daughter called and wanted to meet me for lunch too. So I asked my wife if that would be ok considering the events. She was ok with that. But she had tears streaming from her eyes for most of the time. I just don’t know to this day that the tears weren’t for the Other Man breaking things off because he had everything to lose.
We got home that evening and had to get ready to go to our daughter’s high school graduation. While getting ready…she told me, “you have to promise not to hurt him. You can’t give his wife that information. I will be gone if you hurt him.” I told her that as long it had stopped I would do nothing further.
We went to the graduation. We treated each other very, very well and had a great time. We met with a lot of family and friends….took tons of pictures.
We went out to a late dinner at our daughter’s favorite place with friends. Our daughter and friends went out and the two of us went home. We talked about our daughter and her friends a lot. When we got in, she wanted me to put the pictures we had taken on her computer so that she could add them to Facebook. We were sitting together and going through the pictures. When she would get to one of my and our daughter (there were several), she would stop and just stare for a couple minutes. Then she kept going back to those pictures. She started making comments “I really like that picture.” She only added the pictures of me and our daughter to her page.
Our daughter texted to say that she’d be home around 2AM. We went to bed at 1:30. My wife pulled on a nightshirt and lay face down on the edge of the bed. I got in bed. The TV was on, more for a night light than anything. I could tell that she was crying. I asked her “what’s wrong?” She said “My back hurts”. I got across her and rubbed and massaged her back for about 20 minutes. She would not look at me. She still was crying some.
A few mintues later, I whispered to her to turn toward me. She said, “Why?”. I said, “Because I want you.”. She said, “I don’t understand how you could want me anymore.” Then she started crying harder and turned toward me. We talked for a few minutes and that led to us kissing and I accepted some of the fault for what happened and apologized for what had happened 2 years previous. She told me several times, through tears, that she was sorry and that I did not deserve what had happened. We made love for the first time since 2 days before meeting the Other Man for the “shopping”. It was just like it used to be 2 years ago.
That was on a Friday night. We had a graduation party planned for Sunday. We had so much to do that we did not get time to do a lot of talking
Since then, I keep bringing up things. I have done a LOT of crying……
We went to a club to see a friend perform and we knew ahead of time that the Other Man and his wife would be there. She said we did not have to go. But I insisted, still not knowing how I or anyone else would act/react. It was an opportunity for me to cross a mental line and find out if I could deal with a living memory. I had to go.
We got there early, they came in about an hour later. She was holding my hand and she squeezed it and said, “Here they come.” Because of where our table was, they had to walk straight to us, just within inches from me and turn to go to a table. Through the next two hours he had to walk by me several time to go to the restroom. Each and every time my wife would squeeze my hand and look away. It took a lot a strength not to get up a flatten him. But she had told me many times over the week that the fault was 50/50. But she also told me that it was over, she wanted me, and wanted to restore us. She wanted me to know that the fact that they would be there should not be a problem for her – there would never be a reason to worry about him ever again.
She told me that he had asked her to marry him months before we met years ago. She admitted that she always had loved him from back in 1989…..and probably always would. But she wants me and is in love with me….not him. I can understand. She is my 2nd wife. I am her first and only husband. I still have a small place for my first wife. I think this is true for a lot of people with a past.
She has cried with me many times over the last few weeks. We have been inseparable.
I don’t trust her. She knows that. I told her that I forgive her. She had told me, even just a few months ago, that she would never forgive me.
I am still checking phone records, computers, emails, text messages. I cannot find anything to suggest any contact, and she tells me there has been no contact. I have to trust that she is telling me the truth….I have no choice there. But I cannot know if she gets or makes calls to/from him at work…….or if he visits her there.
Now, the only way I hear “I love you” from her is if I say it first. She also will say no to sex now……over the years before this she never said no and initiated it more than I did…..she does not initiate anymore…..even though she did while seeing him.
I used to get random text messages throughout the work day with things like, “I love you” or “I miss you” or “I wish I could hold you”. Now I get none of that, zero, and if I send an “I love you” text to her, I don’t even get a reply……but if I send any other kind of text I do get a reply.
I have to wonder – if I had not caught her, what would be the situation be now. It is very obvious to me that she had no intention of stopping and was actually making plans to be with him. She claims that their split was mutual. I don’t believe that. I think he had too much to lose and chose to stay with his cheating wife because he can’t afford to start over at 41 years old. And the two of them ( my wife and him ) would not make enough money to live very well.
The affair would definitely still be going on…..she was looking for a house (online), she was researching child suppport laws. She had a future with him in her mind……even knowing it was not going to be good………his wife told me that she would get $950 a month child support and he had added her name legally to his inherited property and borrowed $180,000 for which they were paying $1900 a month payments……on a combined salary or $75K per year with 2 small kids. He would have had about $2000 per month paid out to her on a postal worker salary….pretty much leaving my wife to support the two of them.
I truly believe that by now, I would have been left alone had I not stopped it. And that is what really bothers me. I know that she did not stop it. On the day that I found out and told his wife she had made that statement I mentioned earlier: “…..sent me straight to him…”. The next morning her wedding ring was in my dresser drawer. I took it to her that morning and tried to put it on her. She stopped me and said, “I will wear it tonight at Kymberlie’s graduation and at her party on Sunday”. She stood there staring out the front door for 10 minutes. She went to work without the ring. This tells me that as soon as she got to work she was on the phone with him to make the plans to be with him. And then the bomb exploded……I really believe he called it off for reasons unknown…….and he made the statement that “his wife wants us out of their lives.” That is why she was crying at lunch that day. She was heartbroken over him breaking up with her…..at least that is what I’ll always believe.
I have rethought the “rendezvous” days a lot in the last few weeks. I know for a fact the sex was planned. I know her too well. I believe it was her idea……I know her well. I believe, for him, it was a revenge thing against his wife……….not to mention free taboo sex with an old girlfriend. I believe she called me at 12:45 that day to see where I was, where I’d go to lunch, so they would not run into me. I believe they were right here in town and the “out of town” story was to make me think not to look here. ( Diversion )
I know that she has met him for lunch during workdays since April…..until “discovery day”. There was one day, May 14, 1 week after the hotel rendezvous, she got dressed for work….all decked out in a dress instead of pants….hair really done and lots more make-up. I did not see her that morning as she had been on Facebook (with him) and then went back to bed as I got ready for work. She called me from work to tell me that 3 women in her department wanted her to go to lunch with them and could not see me at lunch that day. When she got home that afternoon and walked in, I looked at her and said, “Wow, you look stunning!” To which she replied, “uhuh” and walked to bedroom. I followed and asked why she was dressed like that….she had not worn than dress in a year. She said, “I did not have anything clean to wear.” Of course, I was standing beside a closet full of clean clothes. I also found out 2 weeks ago that she withdrew $100 from an ATM at lunch time that same day. So, now I wonder, was there another meeting that day at lunch? And, I know by his confession to his wife that they planned to have sex 3 days later on Thursday after her work…..she says that was not true, she was only going shopping……..but isn’t that what she told me about the Monday before that.
Last Sunday, I again asked for some details about the “shopping” day. She stormed off to take a shower……mad. When she got out of the shower, she came into the bedroom. I could see that she had been crying in shower. She stopped by me and said, “Let me tell you something. You made it very clear to me on March 24th that you did not care about me. So anything I did after that is none of your G**damn business. I don’t have to tell you anything.” (All I did on March 24 was forget to buy a card!)
Things are good now, almost 16 months after our D-day. We actually ended up in court with her pressing charges against him. And that was on Valentine’s day. You can turn things around if you really love each other.
And, now, after what we’ve been through and done to each other, we are still together and greatly in love. At this point, I fell as though nothing can hurt us anymore.