I’ve been in a relationship for over 2 years. About a year ago my boyfriend accidentally left his Facebook open on my phone. Trusting him blindly, I even told myself right before I checked his inbox “I’m sure I will not find anything inappropriate here”. Little did I know, I was about to feel the biggest heart ache I ever experienced in my entire life. There was this conversation with a certain girl in which he was being overly flirtatious, complimenting her and what not. I was devastated, I told him about what I read and he said he was terribly sorry and that he didn’t want to lose me. I gave him a second chance, even if that means risking my heart to be broken again. Last month I started having flashbacks from those conversations, I felt the need to test him and see if he had been faithful since last year’s incident. I asked him to give me his Facebook password, he agreed. I was scrolling down his inbox and was relieved I did not find any inappropriate conversation with any girl recently. However I kept scrolling down and I found the same conversations from a year ago. Turns out not only was he being romantically involved with one girl, but was also having sexual conversations with another girl, who he claimed to be his “bff”. It was like opening a healing wound. I knew this happened, I just didn’t know the details. But I needed to make sure he was being faithful, and also that the sex talking didn’t evolve into a physical encounter. I didn’t get to read all the way through cause there were thousands of messages with this person, and as soon as he realized I was reading that, and that he forgot to delete the conversation back then, he instantly deleted it and I could not keep reading. My concern was that they actually had physical contact, but she lives in another country, and I honestly never read anything written in present or past tense. It was always about what they would like to do to each other. For a period of time I felt disgusted by his touch, knowing that the hands he touched me with were the same hands that wrote such nasty messages to another girl. Don’t ask me how, but I ended up forgiving him and we’re still together. I will never trust him again like I used to, and I know the risk I’m taking by giving another shot to this relationship, but I am also deeply in love with him and I believe he loves me too. I can see it in his eyes, taste it in his kiss, and feel it in his touch. He can simply not be faking these feelings. However, I will never forget that feeling, of knowing he ever cheated on me in such an awful way.