When I was 18 years old I fell head over heels in love with a girl. 3 months later she was pregnant, 3 months after that we were married. Most people would think that we were married due to untimely pregnancy, or out of some form of obligation, but they were wrong. We had a great love story that lasted for over 18 years, I loved my wife, adored her in fact. She was not perfect by any means, nor was she even very nice to me, but I did whatever had to be done to make it work.
In the start of 2010 my wife starting spending a lot of time on facebook; she was never very social, never had the ability to make or keep friends for very long, so I thought it was a good thing for her. I thought it was a social outlet where she could closely control how people saw her, express herself and interact with people while keeping them a bit of a distance. This was key for her… (let’s just say she is particular, and tends to piss off people in person).
By the early summer of 2010 facebook was becoming a bit of an issue for me; I used to tell our friends that I knew two wives, the one I lived with everyday, and the one on facebook. They really were not the same person. Her online persona took on a life of its own. By mid-summer her behavior started to change drastically. She was withdrawn, secretive, putting passwords on her phone, computer, and accounts. She started writing secret documents while in bed with me. I tried to speak with her about this many times. I was accused of being nosey, and not respecting her privacy. By the end of Aug it had become unbearable. She was texting people constantly, and would hide her phone from me as soon as I entered the room. She would refuse to tell me who she was texting and calling. The whole time the facebook persona continued to grow, overtaking her real life. She started to believe she WAS the person she was on facebook.
The one Friday night both our kids were spending the night at friends houses, so I took my wife out to eat at one of our favorite places. The place was packed wall to wall. We decided to just get dinner to go. We went home, put a blanket on the floor and eat a cozy dinner watching our favorite tv shows. We then went to bed, cuddled (though she told me I was being too affectionate). There was just something wrong…. I couldn’t sleep, so I went to play some video games. I noticed that the AV protection on my computer was expired so I updated the software, and went to the kid’s computers and did the same. When I got to my wife’s computer I found a gmail account still open… So I decided to look. Sure enough in her trash folder was over a month’s worth of emails between her and a man that was my friend for over 20 years. These were not friendly emails. There was talk of being naked with each other in bed on Sunday mornings, love letters, her b eing ready for love and leaving me. I was completely destroyed.
I went and woke her up, and said “I found the emails between you and XXX, what is going on?” She asked “do you really want to do this at 2:30am?”, I repeated myself “what is going on?”… She sighed, said “what is going on is I want a divorce”…. I couldn’t believe my ears. Over the next two hours I listened to every form of insult and hate spew from her mouth. How she had not loved me for years etc. I asked her “what about all the I love yous’, all the cuddles every day, all the sweet nothings…?” She looked me in the face and told me that I would be surprised what someone will do to survive. I left and went to my parent’s house.
Over the next few days I asked her to stay, to work it out with me, not to leave. On wed she signed a one year lease and started moving out.
Here we are a year later, divorced, my two kids are estranged from me (yes.. my ex has completely alienated me from my kids), a family in ruin. All the pain, the suffering, the hurt, and life changing damage done to my children all for what?
If you are married or in a relationship, do yourselves a favor and either stay off facebook, or create a joint account.