I am a betrayed spouse whose husband and other woman went all about Facebook with their affair.
He kept several pages with different statuses and the other person plastered his pictures…which were taken by me!!!!!
At our house,pictures of inside our house, with my daughter…on his page was our dog, our trips, parties…without me in them. It feels invasive and took away my sense of security.
This haunts me and ruined Facebook for me. Many friends and family have seen it and I cannot shake the negative feelings now. Shame, humiliation…I feel like they mock me. He did the widower thing but also shows a page with me he supposedly altered it.
Any ideas for getting past this would be appreciated.
Bless you – you are bound to feel betrayed… I too had the same thing happen. My husband had a page dedicated to himself and most of the photos etc were or home and taken by me…
One thing you must remember is that HE betrayed you and you are not responsible for what he did. He did this to you, you are not responsible for his behaviour. I know you feel utterly worthless, betrayed, shamed and humiliated just now, so did I, but it has gradually improved.
You don’t say if you are still with your husband or if you seperated. If you are still together, ensure he stops this behaviour now – calmly if you can, it helps. If you are no longer together, then tell people what he did. YOU are not to blame and this is HIS shame, not yours – tell who you like and ensure they understand he is the villain of the piece here. Yes, some will mock, but if you hold your head high and tell them the truth, most will be astonished and support you. I did have one woman mock me and I simple threw a glib comment at her which shut her up – something along the line of did SHE know what her partner and kids were doing on line also?
I searched the internet for groups and chat rooms that offered support for folk like me and took on board lots of advice. I found this site a huge suport too, just to know I wasn’t alone.
Be kind to yourself, this will take time. I wish you all the best. x
I am so sorry that you’re having to go through this. Infidelity and affairs (be it emotional or physical) are so injurious and destructive that we’re often frozen from shock and upset.
Please remember: This is HIS shame, not yours. This is HIS embarrassment, not yours.
This was his choice, and about his own issues. You are not responsible for his horrible behaviors.
What you’re feeling is entirely valid and understandable. You are not alone – not at all. There are many groups out there who do have anonymous support and resources to help others going through the pain of infidelity.
The Infidelity Help Group website is a resource provided and staffed by people who have been through this experience and who wish to share what they have learned. It has a support forum, a real-time chat room, and lots of articles and resources to educate, support and give advice.
Finding us, or a group like us, is important. Having a support network of people who understand and who are there for you – it’s vital.
Please do find someone – even if it’s not us.
I send you strength, support and my best wishes.
Wayfarer
I have very similar experience. My bf and I are in a long term relationship which both of us as we’ll as our family consider as serious and stable. While we do have clearly shared lifestyle, he likes to present himself as if he is single…only in his Facebook. I received many messages from lonely women (mostly middle aged single mothers or women in third world countries) who thought they were in some kind of “online relationship” with him through regularly conversing via Facebook chat and Skype. They would stalk me online to find out what really is going on after my bf started to ignore them or deliberately indicated that he is in a relationship with me. While I was disgusted by his “sick hobby”, I could not deny that I was very curious about how those women fell for such an obvious trap.
Because they are desperate, lonely and fall for kindness, flirting and someone who presents themselves as something he clearly isn’t. Many a true word presented in jest – if I were you, personally I would feel somewhat uncomfortable by this….
Hi Carol, thank you for your reply. Yes, of course I’m bothered by it and that’s why I’m here. Just like the initial posting above I felt betrayed, too. He puts up on his FB photos from our holidays (yes some were even taken by me) as if i wasnt there and getting stupid comments from all those “friends”. What I found out over the time is that this is like an addiction that recurrs. The only reason I put up with this was the fact that he admitted his problem and explained why. For him, those people online are ‘nothing’ and it is a game for him to see if he can get them to fall for him or make them do things by giving them some attention that they otherwise cannot get.
Sounds as though he craves the attention, flattery and ego boost a conquest achieves himself also. I personally would be very concerned, this is not just a situation where someone is playing a computer game, these are peoples lives and feelings. And what if he were to actually find himself falling for someone for real? Or if someone were to turn up on your doorstep? Not just the person themselves, but a brother, a disgruntled lover or the husband that SHE hasn’t admitted to? I personally feel you need to talk these mind games through with him at length. I am so sorry, but I personally don’t find this a healthy addiction as this could turn very very sour indeed.
Due to the fact that you are married print that stuff out and lay it out in front of him so that he or she can not deny it. If he or she gets angry after you show it to them then they know they are in the wrong and don’t get angry with them just let them know that it needs to be deleted and stopped or its over. DO NOT put up with someone disrespecting you because if you allow it then they will think less of you and believe it is ok when it is NOT. HOLD your ground no matter what excuse they give as the entire point here is the profile needs to be removed and they need to learn how to respect you or move on.
If you are not married and your man or women is doing that then change your profile to project the same manner as his or hers and take yourself out and start dating again. When they question it then let them know that you realized the relationship wasn’t serious due to their profile and activities so you are moving forward accordingly as you will not invest in someone who is not investing in you and respecting you whether it be online or in public.
The key here is do not allow someone to treat you as less and be ok with moving on to find that one person who will treat you with the respect you deserve.
I understand this is easier said than done but its a fact that holds true with learning to let people know that they must respect you to be apart of your life. The more you allow them to disrespect you with online activity that suggest or clearly shows they are physically or emotionally deceiving and disrespecting you then the more you will hurt so nip that childish online game play in the bud.
Learn to value yourself and demand ones to respect you or tell them to go kick rocks.