Naked Pics in Private Messages on Facebook, Should He Dump Her?

PLEASE HELP!!! I met a woman a few years ago when I was locked up in a South American prison for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. She’s a childhood friend of one of the guys I shared a cell with and he introduced me to her. When she came into my life I felt it was a blessing from God. She accompanied me during the whole time I was locked up. The more I felt for her the more torn I was because I knew sooner or later I would have to go back home (I”m from the U.S.A.). We had such incredible chemistry and I knew she was getting more and more attached because after a while she would tell me how much she didn’t want me to go back to the states. We even got into a few fights over it but she would eventually let me know that she wanted to be with me regardless. I started to feel really guilty after a while but I grew to love her so much that I began to think about how we could still be together living in different countries. Or maybe I would stay. As we got to know each other we had a couple of episodes where she would test my jealousy by telling me about encounters with other men coming onto her and I thought it was so inappropriate and disrespectful to tell me those things, but eventually I would forgive her. I got out of prison last year with three years probation left —meaning I can’t leave the country until then. I had a contact to get me out of the country, but I decided to get an apartment and stay for a while to see if our relationship was meant to be or not. I figured after her being by my side through that horrible experience of being incarcerated, staying for a while was the least I could do for her. But the past year has been terrible between us. we’ve been fighting continuously and I feel like she’s not the person I got to know when I was locked up.

I realized that she isn’t quite the person I thought she was. Turns out she’s kind of an attention whore. She likes to dress a little too provocatively, her fb profile is full of provocative pics and the jealousy games continued. We even went to a bar one night with another couple and after stepping outside to smoke a cigarette I come in to see her dancing with some stranger. Needless to say that turned into a huge fight. I also began to notice that I’ve been somewhat of a secret to the people in her life. I met her daughters and a couple of her friends, but I began to feel like maybe she’s embarrased about me and my situation. Part of me couldn’t blame her and part of me was hurt.

I had some money saved up while I’ve tried to get the nationality here and get a job (since I’m on probation I cant get a work visa, and the U.S. Embassy hasn’t done Jack shit to help me), but there have been numerous problems and delays in doing so and now I’m broke and with no income and I’m struggling to cope. I’m sure that has caused a serious strain on the relationship. I’ve gotten so depressed that I feel like she now sees me as a loser of sorts. Over the past couple of months I’ve felt that she has begun to distance herself from me and that’s only made me feel worse. At the same time she’s going through some economic difficulties and now one of her daughters has cancer and she expressed to me that she thinks that destiny has shown that I wasn’t meant to remain here and that I should go back to the states and let fate see what happens between us. But now I have no choice but to stay, get a job, and save up what I can because I can”t go back to the states broke. And to boot now I feel more attached to her than ever. As of lately we’ve been seeing each other less because she says she feels like she’s keeping me down and that each of us needs to reorganize and see if we can make it work. I’m okay with that but I’m starting to feel like I’m losing her and since I ‘m not from here and since I don’t know anybody, all I’ve got is her.

About 3 weeks ago was the last time we saw each other and she asked to borrow my phone to check her fb. She’s done it many times before but the last time she forgot to signout and I didnt even notice until I saw she got a message from some guy wanting her to move to the U.S with him. I’m not a snooper because I respect her privacy but I couldn’t resist and I started to go through her convo’s . I saw that she gets a lot of solicitations from guys and she pretty much ignores them. As for the U.S. guy, it seemed he became infatuated with her and she told him that she had a boyfriend and to leave her alone. That made me feel good. I also noticed that when she gets messages from guys here in the country she pretty much ignores them. But when it comes to guys from other countries, she adds them and the flirting convo’s begin. I did feel some jealousy but I justified it as harmless because these guys are so far away.

Last Saturday, I had a premonition and looked at her fb and saw that she’s been sending naked pics of herself to some guy in England along with a lot of sexting and it devastated me. I saw that she tells this guy that she loves him and wants him and that he’s the love of her life. And to make matters worse, one of the pics she sent him, she sent to me a couple of days later telling me she thought of me when she took that pic which is obvious bullshit (OMG she just sent me another pic that she had sent him as I’m writing this!!!).  I feel so heartbroken I don’t know what to do. I don’t think the two of them will ever get together, but I stop to think how many times she might have done this before and how many times would she do it again. I can’t get the pics or the convo’s out of my head and now I can’t sleep or eat or somedays even get out of bed. Now do I think she’s sleeping around? Actually no. I had a friend of a friend of hers do a little research on her and it turns out she’s a good girl in that respect. But I do feel like she’s “emotionally” cheating on me with this guy and it’s killing me inside. And if she’s willing to send naked pics of herself to some guy she met online, what else is she capable of… Sorry this is so long, but I feel like I needed to paint the whole picture.

Do I believe she loves me? Yes. Do I love her? Probably too much. At one point I felt like she couldn’t be without me and now I feel like extra baggage in her life. What do I do? How do I confront her about this? Considering I invaded her privacy… I know we all have secrets but I think she went way too far and I feel incredibly disrespected. Now I don’t trust her at all and I’m suspicious even when she chats on whatsapp (I’ve noticed that she has lots of time to be on whatsapp but never a minute to chat with she chatting with the English guy…). I feel like I’ve opened Pandoras Box. Do I play along thinking she’s doing that because maybe her self esteem is really low? Do I dump her ass? I know if I say something she’ll apologize and so forth but I don’t believe she would stop talking to this guy. And even if she promises to do so, I feel sooner or later another foreigner will come around and the whole online affair will start again.

I need some objective advice because right now I know my head isn’t right with everything else that’s going on in my life and I don’t want to be irrational. How should I handle this?

Facebook Cheating Study Wants Your Story To Help Others

My name is Zack, and I am presently working on my doctoral dissertation. To complete this dissertation, I am conducting a study focusing on the experiences married people have had with Facebook and social media platforms and the issues related to communicating with the opposite sex and its effect on the marriage. I am in need of willing men and women to share their stories associated with this. I would like to provide you with a succinct yet clear vision of 1.) The purpose and nature of this study and 2.) The sensitive nature of this study and addressing potential apprehensions you may have. Before I begin however, I’d like to introduce myself.

I am originally from northern Indiana where I graduated high school in 2003. From there I attended Purdue University for both my undergraduate and graduate degrees (2007, 2009). I now am pursuing a Ph.D. in Communication at Regent University located in Virginia Beach, Virginia. At Regent I have focused on the study of interpersonal communication. It is my desire and goal to produce scholarly research that addresses and leads to understanding and solutions to communication issues and needs that are increasingly common in our culture today. These endeavors however, would not be nor would they have been pursued without the intrinsic drive instilled in me by the God of the universe through His son, Jesus Christ.

Many issues, conflicts and needs in interpersonal relationships in our culture today involve the use of Internet and social media and how they are perceived and used in those relationships. The few past scholarly studies that have been done suggest communicative interactions with the opposite sex on the Internet and social media such as Facebook, often times is casual and innocent in nature, but can lead to inappropriate emotional and/or sexual communication, and relationships that cause conflicts in marriages. However research on this subject is so limited, there is great need for further investigation. Your experiences would be highly valuable in contributing to scholarly understanding and practical solutions that will be helpful to many other men and women who are and will be married.

Due to the sensitive nature of this topic, complete anonymity will be assured. Your actual names will be replaced with pseudonyms, along with any other details you may request kept anonymous. This study will seek to document your experiences via detailed interviews conducted by myself via Skype. The interactions we have will not be video-recorded, rather, they will only be voice-recorded, and then transcribed to text. The interviews are in no way counseling sessions, but rather a recorded detail of your lived experiences in using Facebook and other social media and the implications this may have had on your marriage.

If you are interested, I ask that you contact me directly via e-mail (ZACKCAR@REGENT.EDU) expressing that interest. From there I will be in contact with you by e-mail or telephone to go over a few preliminary qualification questions. Following that, if you are willing, we will speak one-on-one via Skype to conduct the interview.

Again, I thank you very much for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you.


Zack Carter

Facebook is Killing My Marriage

I am 30 and have been with the love of my life for almost 4 years now but recently things have started to change. See I have 4 wonderful children from a previous marriage and when my previous husband of six years in 2009 got on Facebook, he decided he could use this new app to meet girls and eventually he cheated multiple times and I believe he is up to 7 kids now. I left him and filed for divorce and that was the end of any kind of relationship between him and my family.

After all his lies and the cheating I thought I was done with men in general but then out of the blue I found this man who I had never forgot about, in the past 11 years he would pop into my head almost everyday, little things like I would be at the store and pick something up and wonder if it was still his favorite or when I was alone wondering if he was safe since we were at war and most men joined the military after 9/11. So I actively looked most everyday on all the social sites an d in Jan 2011 I found him. Turns out he was going through a divorce and had a daughter who lived with her mom in Virginia and he was back living about 2 hours from me. We eventually met and got together, my kids love him and things were going great. I even packed my kids up and tried to move cross country by his ex so he would be closer to his daughter. But a string of bad luck brought us home again.

When we got back he went back to work and things were good for a while but now he is messaging this woman from Florida that as far as I know he has never met but they exchange pics most days and there is pages of messages on his phone from her and I don’t know what to do. I consider this a form of cheating since they are sending inappropriate messages back and forth. People I talk to tell me its not cheating its no different than a guy looking at playboy. This is the second time I have found messages like this. I’m not a skinny blond with big boobs–Im a mother of 4 and I haven’t changed much since we got together. I keep thinking if I lose weight or change my appearance maybe that will work but at the same time I’m me and why should I have to change for a man who says he loves me for who I am?

Please any advice cause Facebook is killing my Marriage.

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