Seven Year Itch Came Early Thanks To Facebook

Seven year itch came a year too early~!

Not quite sure how to start my story. I was married once before 11 years with two boys. My husband now, I went to high school with. Our story was kinda fairy tale. Helping with the 20th class reunion I hunted him down. He initially, told me he was unable to make the class reunion. Going through a nasty divorce. Wife cheated on him and left him for her sales rep. We started emailing, then phone calls then flights. He lived out in Denver at the time. I was back in Michigan. After 7 months of back and forth I moved him here to my house in Michigan. We married 2007.
Wedded bliss, so I thought. Our trouble began in 2013. ( hence the seven year itch came a year too early.)… In the beginning of 2013 my ex drained our youngest son’s college account. ( 20,000 down to 1500.) Long story short he has a drug problem and this was only the first of many issues. My husband had a business deal go bad. He was doing some traveling back and forth to Chicago. He is a web designer and started his own business. Difficult to make it work in a small northern Michigan town. Never knew when the next check would be coming in. He also deals with depression and was on medication at the time that was no longer covered by our insurance. He had to switch to the generic. We thought no big deal. Cheaper!
My husband started another business deal with a local guy and had his programmer leave the area. Then the replacement left the area also. So he was on the search for a new programmer. I just assumed this was all part of his business venture.
I worked early shift. So was in bed by 9:30pm most nights. He was up late ALWAYS. Which was fine. He didn’t have to be up early to punch a clock. He had his own business. This is when I stumbled out of bed one night. It was about 2:30am and he was chatting on facebook and looking at a provocative girls page. I thought he was face timing her. Well, he was chatting with a guy ( another computer geek) like my hubby. Okay. No big deal but ….I started wondering. I paid the AT&T bill. I noticed odd number – not his programmers. This number appeared in texts and phone calls back to beginning of 2013. Talking for hours and hundreds of texts. So I asked. Who he knew from that city? He said he knew a a few people. Then I got upset. Playing a game. Okay- who do you text hundreds of times a day and talk for hours. Her name is Pam. The stories started. He had me convinced she was a “confide” in only person. She dealt with depression also. Sh e understood him. Well, he had me feeling sorry for her. She is a beautiful, blonde skinny girl. Just a year younger than we are. ( Not his type as he would announce.). She was separated from her husband. Some guy she married before the ink was dry got pregnant and they separated. Their daughter who happens to have the same name as my youngest was 4. Pam had several children with a guy she was with for 10 years right out of high school. He abused her, she had a restraining order against him. House fire killed two of her children, she wasn’t very trusting of men. She needed someone to talk too. They had a lot in common. I heard it all. My husband spent roaming charges on OUR cruise texting her. So me being the trusting soul that I am couldn’t image this is only a confide in relationship. I started digging. I saw a google hang out chat – he called her angel , soft kisses and then he says he is living with his parents and he loves her. His cell phone hit the wall. He ended up fetal position in our closet. He said he wanted to die. I ended up taking him to the emergency room. I begged Pam not to contact my husband anymore. We are working on US. I don’t remember the chain of events very clear now but I found photos. My husband and her together in a bar, in a hotel room and then the naked pictures of her. Probably 12-15 in all. She started sending him naked pictures back in December of 2012. Cat is out of the bag- a friend who you confide it DOESN’T send you naked photos. My self esteem hit rock bottom. Now I have a skinny, shaved !#$%!, beautiful blonde to compete with. What he admitted to only physically being together twice. Yeah, right! We both ended up with VD screening. 272 bucks that insurance wouldn’t cover for peace of mind. Both came out clear. She has an on again off again rocker boyfriend and I have NO idea how many others she has slept with. My husband said he wore a condom. What do I believe. He also said a lot of things that are coming back not to be true. I check and double check conversations we had. I never had access to his business checking account. Well, I made him go through it with me. The thousands of dollars he spend on her. She had a kitchen fire and over 1500 dollars in replacing kitchen stuff for her. He loaned her money. I never saw the deposits of them returning. 800 for car repair, 300 for dental emergency, paid her car payment. This is MY husband that never had money to give me to put toward OUR bills. He bought her work clogs 100 bucks on my youngest sons birthday. The money he spent on dinners out and alcohol. She was a lush. He was drinking heavily the entire year. Being on depression medication and drinking is not a good combination. He said he didn’t take her to Chicago. Well, happen to be not only did he take her to Chicago it was the weekend my son was taking a gal to her prom out of our home town.
I could ramble on and on. I spent many months in therapy. We are working through our problems. He now understands that it may have started out as a “friend” relationship- it is not a good idea to seek help with the same sex. Kinda like an AA sponsor. Keep it same gender. I don’t think I will ever understand how he took it so far and betrayed my trust. He will forever live with that guilt. Some days are more of a struggle then others. He now has a full -time position with a company out of town. He comes home on weekends. This is most difficult with our history but we have to make it work. I want US to work and this is part of US.
I first blamed facebook. I was so devastated that my husband who was cheated on by his first wife could do this to us. He has a lot to work through- my boys trust, my trust and most of all his own demons. Facebook is a place to connect. I have enjoyed connecting with my old classmates, friends from college and only chat with people i know somehow. I have found comfort in the facebook cheat stories. Sad to say, i was glad I wasn’t the only one. I have learned through my story and others that no matter what – communication in a relationship is #1. My husband and I had a break down and it has been a harsh learning experience but if just one other person can learn from the stories out here it is worth telling. Thanks for reading and I hope it isn’t too late for your relationship either.

I Had a Gut Feeling From the Start…

 

So my partner met a guy friend 4 months back on Facebook through a mutual page they were on, long story short, I hated the time they spent chatting, I had a gut feeling from the start and explained to her what generally happens and I was spot on about everything I said! She knew it infuriated me when they chatted everyday but she still did it making me feel like she didn’t love or respect me at all, I saw a very flirtatious msg from him (he’s married with 2 kids by the way) and sent him a msg saying he crossed the line, piece of shit sent a rude reply and blocked me, a month later the missis was at gym and left computer open so I saw a complete conversation, he said he loves her and thinks she’s amazing, I believe she fell in love with him also even though they are in separate states and have never met! I told her that night I had a bad gut feeling something was wrong and told her to swear on our kids lives nothing was going on, she lied to my face about everything.  I showed her the msg’s they sent the night before, she was in shock and apologized, deleted him and want’s to work things out between us I don’t know if I love her anymore let alone trust the lying liar! We have two young beautiful kids and that’s all that’s holding me together at the moment, need some advice please people.

Our Facebook Affair Began during His Honeymoon.

It was not intentional and it started 4 years ago. I hated logging into FB and seeing his face in the “people you may know” sidebar. I’d always click the “X” and go about my day. I’m in a serious relationship and I was happy with my partner. One day, I saw my ex on the damn “people you may know” section again and at a moment of weakness, I decided to message him just to see how he was doing. It had been 5 years since we last spoke and he was recently married at the time. I figured he moved on just like I did. Also, we had a long distance relationship & had never met before.

In my message I kept it short and simple. Asked how he was doing and gave no hint that I wanted to add him or anything. I honestly was not expecting a reply since I was the one that broke up with him. To my surprise, he not only responded positively but also sent a friend request. In my mind, I just wanted a simple message. I was over him and respected the fact that he was now married. In the back of my mind, I knew it was wrong that I accepted the add request b/c I was not sure of his intentions. I just assumed that since he was married he would have boundaries. I was soooo wrong.

For months our fb chats were clean. We chatted like old friends would. After about 6 months, he’d start to hint that he still had feelings for me. A few times he’d try to chat sexually and I’d demand that he’d stop and I’d start to turn my chat off for weeks just to avoid him. Looking back, I know I should have simply deleted him. He’d continue to sneak in a few inappropriate comments during our chats and even confessed that he still had my pictures from when we dated and would think about me often. Slowly, the temptation was too much and I gave in. I started realizing that my feelings for him never left and I still loved him. It wasn’t long before we started having sexual chats and I felt horrible about it. At the same time, I kind of felt like it could be justified only b/c my sexual needs were not really being met with my partner. My partner frequently turned me down no matter what I’d do until it got to the point where I stopped trying to initiate sex. This dent in our sex life made me react to the attention from my ex in a way that made me feel less guilty about it.

Fast forward to last year. By this time, we had skype’d a few times and chatted almost regularly. We both decided that it was a good time to finally meet. I wish this never happened bc what we did can never be undone.

I feel like it has gone too far now and my feelings for him have developed into some major feelings. I am so conflicted because I love two people at the same time and it’s the most messed up feeling ever. I don’t see how my current relationship can properly evolve if my ex is in the picture. I just have no idea if he is wanting to keep it simple or if he wants to be with me one day. We never discussed it and I don’t know how to bring it up. Then I read on the internet how most men that cheat seldom leave their wives for their lover. Honestly, even if we did get together exclusively, I’d never trust him and the relationship would be doomed from the start.

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