Seven year itch came a year too early~!
Not quite sure how to start my story. I was married once before 11 years with two boys. My husband now, I went to high school with. Our story was kinda fairy tale. Helping with the 20th class reunion I hunted him down. He initially, told me he was unable to make the class reunion. Going through a nasty divorce. Wife cheated on him and left him for her sales rep. We started emailing, then phone calls then flights. He lived out in Denver at the time. I was back in Michigan. After 7 months of back and forth I moved him here to my house in Michigan. We married 2007.
Wedded bliss, so I thought. Our trouble began in 2013. ( hence the seven year itch came a year too early.)… In the beginning of 2013 my ex drained our youngest son’s college account. ( 20,000 down to 1500.) Long story short he has a drug problem and this was only the first of many issues. My husband had a business deal go bad. He was doing some traveling back and forth to Chicago. He is a web designer and started his own business. Difficult to make it work in a small northern Michigan town. Never knew when the next check would be coming in. He also deals with depression and was on medication at the time that was no longer covered by our insurance. He had to switch to the generic. We thought no big deal. Cheaper!
My husband started another business deal with a local guy and had his programmer leave the area. Then the replacement left the area also. So he was on the search for a new programmer. I just assumed this was all part of his business venture.
I worked early shift. So was in bed by 9:30pm most nights. He was up late ALWAYS. Which was fine. He didn’t have to be up early to punch a clock. He had his own business. This is when I stumbled out of bed one night. It was about 2:30am and he was chatting on facebook and looking at a provocative girls page. I thought he was face timing her. Well, he was chatting with a guy ( another computer geek) like my hubby. Okay. No big deal but ….I started wondering. I paid the AT&T bill. I noticed odd number – not his programmers. This number appeared in texts and phone calls back to beginning of 2013. Talking for hours and hundreds of texts. So I asked. Who he knew from that city? He said he knew a a few people. Then I got upset. Playing a game. Okay- who do you text hundreds of times a day and talk for hours. Her name is Pam. The stories started. He had me convinced she was a “confide” in only person. She dealt with depression also. Sh e understood him. Well, he had me feeling sorry for her. She is a beautiful, blonde skinny girl. Just a year younger than we are. ( Not his type as he would announce.). She was separated from her husband. Some guy she married before the ink was dry got pregnant and they separated. Their daughter who happens to have the same name as my youngest was 4. Pam had several children with a guy she was with for 10 years right out of high school. He abused her, she had a restraining order against him. House fire killed two of her children, she wasn’t very trusting of men. She needed someone to talk too. They had a lot in common. I heard it all. My husband spent roaming charges on OUR cruise texting her. So me being the trusting soul that I am couldn’t image this is only a confide in relationship. I started digging. I saw a google hang out chat – he called her angel , soft kisses and then he says he is living with his parents and he loves her. His cell phone hit the wall. He ended up fetal position in our closet. He said he wanted to die. I ended up taking him to the emergency room. I begged Pam not to contact my husband anymore. We are working on US. I don’t remember the chain of events very clear now but I found photos. My husband and her together in a bar, in a hotel room and then the naked pictures of her. Probably 12-15 in all. She started sending him naked pictures back in December of 2012. Cat is out of the bag- a friend who you confide it DOESN’T send you naked photos. My self esteem hit rock bottom. Now I have a skinny, shaved !#$%!, beautiful blonde to compete with. What he admitted to only physically being together twice. Yeah, right! We both ended up with VD screening. 272 bucks that insurance wouldn’t cover for peace of mind. Both came out clear. She has an on again off again rocker boyfriend and I have NO idea how many others she has slept with. My husband said he wore a condom. What do I believe. He also said a lot of things that are coming back not to be true. I check and double check conversations we had. I never had access to his business checking account. Well, I made him go through it with me. The thousands of dollars he spend on her. She had a kitchen fire and over 1500 dollars in replacing kitchen stuff for her. He loaned her money. I never saw the deposits of them returning. 800 for car repair, 300 for dental emergency, paid her car payment. This is MY husband that never had money to give me to put toward OUR bills. He bought her work clogs 100 bucks on my youngest sons birthday. The money he spent on dinners out and alcohol. She was a lush. He was drinking heavily the entire year. Being on depression medication and drinking is not a good combination. He said he didn’t take her to Chicago. Well, happen to be not only did he take her to Chicago it was the weekend my son was taking a gal to her prom out of our home town.
I could ramble on and on. I spent many months in therapy. We are working through our problems. He now understands that it may have started out as a “friend” relationship- it is not a good idea to seek help with the same sex. Kinda like an AA sponsor. Keep it same gender. I don’t think I will ever understand how he took it so far and betrayed my trust. He will forever live with that guilt. Some days are more of a struggle then others. He now has a full -time position with a company out of town. He comes home on weekends. This is most difficult with our history but we have to make it work. I want US to work and this is part of US.
I first blamed facebook. I was so devastated that my husband who was cheated on by his first wife could do this to us. He has a lot to work through- my boys trust, my trust and most of all his own demons. Facebook is a place to connect. I have enjoyed connecting with my old classmates, friends from college and only chat with people i know somehow. I have found comfort in the facebook cheat stories. Sad to say, i was glad I wasn’t the only one. I have learned through my story and others that no matter what – communication in a relationship is #1. My husband and I had a break down and it has been a harsh learning experience but if just one other person can learn from the stories out here it is worth telling. Thanks for reading and I hope it isn’t too late for your relationship either.