Reading some of these horror stories about Facebook cheating made me want to share my experience. My experience was a lesson on how Facebook can lead to an emotional or physical relationship with another person. First let me give out some background. I’m 31 while my girlfriend is 34. We’ve been together for almost 3 ½ years. I met her on a very reputable online dating site and we got along great as she is Filipina and I’m Mitiso(half Filipino, half white) as I knew a lot about the Filipino culture growing up with my dad’s side of the family. We began dating seriously and within a year we found out that we were expecting a baby girl. At this time, I was working as a teller at a large commercial bank and I decided to quit my job to find a better one and stay home and take care of the baby(which I know now was a huge mistake and I own up to it). My girlfriend supported the decision and even suggested I try phlebotomy class which I accepted to do. She even paid for the class. I passed the course and got my certificate but couldn’t find a job due to my license taking forever to be processed.
September 27th, 2011, the day when our daughter was born. We were overjoyed with excitement and happiness. A few months or so after the birth, I began to notice some small things that my girlfriend would do. I would lean in for a kiss and she would give me her forehead or cheek, never on the lips. I found that odd since she never used to do that before, but I shrugged it off. Months passed and she still was doing that. Then the other warning signs began to pop up. She started to become a little distant from me. I’m an affectionate guy but there was no hugging or kissing from her. She even stopped calling me “babe” which was my petname she would use all the time. She even stopped saying “I love you.” Sex? None whatsoever. I would try to initiate the intimacy but my advances were immediately rejected.
It was nearly almost a year with no physical contact with her. I brought up the subject with her when we were in Las Vegas for Father’s Day weekend in 2012. We finally had sex, but it seemed like it was only one sided, which I felt she wasn’t into it or “there” with me so to speak. After that day, things began to change. We would be okay for a few months and then begin to argue about things, some important, some not. It was mostly of me being a man and not listening to her and doing the things that she asked me to do. I believe some of the tension was about me not working for almost a year which I know was my fault. I was just being lazy. I began to change my ways and really wanted to try and fix us. I would try to talk to her about our problems but she would shut down and didn’t want to talk about it. So I basically took it upon myself to change and I did end up getting a job to make her happy. It was an on-call job so I did help her financially as much as I could but sometimes I would only get a few jobs and sometimes none at all even though it paid pretty well. So I began to look for a better job that had regular work hours. In March 2013 I did land a job that was full time and with full benefits. She was happy that I was able to get this job as things between were going great for us.
My girlfriend and her mom had planned a vacation to go to the Philippine Islands to visit some family and friends that June and was going to take our daughter who was almost 2 at the time. She wanted me to go but I couldn’t as I just started my new job and didn’t have enough PTO accrued to be able to go for the 3 weeks that they were going to visit. The day that she was leaving I had to work late so I couldn’t go with them to the airport to see them off which she was upset about. We did end up doing Facetime before she got on the plane. She told me that she was going to turn off her phone data so she didn’t get roaming charges since she was going to be in a different country(which was understandable). She told me that she would Facetime me if wifi was available.
During the time she was away, I tried to keep myself occupied by hanging out with my friends, brother and family. But something that I was feeling was telling me that something was wrong. I began to suspect something was off between us. Going with my instinct I began to search for anything that would either confirm my suspicion or just ease my mind. I know that it was wrong but I ended up hacking into her Facebook account. I began to search through her private messages and one kind of stood out from a guy that lived in Dubai who was Filipino. I clicked on the message and the last name of the guy looked familiar as it was the same last name as her cousin on her mom’s side that came to visit earlier in the year. I didn’t think much of it as I thought it was family until I began to read some of the messages that were in English. Majority of her messages were in Tagalog(the national language of the Philippines) or in Taglish(Tagalog and English). I tried to use Google Translate to help me translate the messages but most of the time it doesn’t give you the correct translation but it did give me an idea. Just to confirm, I had a friend of mine translate it for me.
he result wasn’t good in my favor. The guy was sending MY girlfriend messages on how he misses her and wishes they could be together. He even called her “babe” and called her his “soul mate 24/7.” My heart sank. You know that feeling when your heart begins to beat really fast and then sinks to the bottom of your stomach? That’s what I felt at that moment when I got the translations back from my friend. The only thing that was good was that my girlfriend never really reciprocated the feelings back to him as much as he did. She would say that she misses him a lot too but would never say she loved him like he said to her. There was a point in their conversation that they were planning on meeting in the Philippines during her time that she was going to be there. After that, I stopped reading. I was in such a slump. We would Facetime but not as regularly as she said that we would. When we would, she acted like nothing was wrong. June 28th was the day of her flight back home and I left work early to go pick her and my daughter up at the airport. When she came out to the terminal, there was no kiss on the lips only on the cheek. Seriously? I haven’t seen her and my daughter for 3 weeks and all I got was a kiss on the cheek. I even planned a “Welcome Home” package by littering our hallway with yellow rose petals(her favorite flower by the way) and had them lead to our bedroom. Inside the bedroom, the petals led to the bed which I made a heart with the left over petals. Inside the heart, I placed a bag from Victoria’s Secret with a card that stated “I missed you” with a single red rose. She smiled but didn’t say thank you to me.
During her time back home, I began to notice that she was becoming distant again and began to sleep with her cell phone under her pillow which she has NEVER done before. She even changed the password on her iPhone which she was planning on giving away to her nephew as she got a brand new Samsung Galaxy S4 which was a big red flag. I began to realize that I was losing a battle over the woman that I love and it broke my heart that I had to fight for her heart. I do take some of the blame for some of her actions towards me and driving her to have an emotional affair with someone. It took me this long to open my eyes that I have something great and I’m letting it slip away from me and how I never saw or appreciated the unconditional love, kindness and generosity she did shower me with before all of this. I took her for granted and now I had to battle for her love and heart all over again with someone I didn’t know.
She went to work that Monday after she got back and I was on her Facebook account when I texted her sister if she knew this guy. Her sister said that she didn’t but the last name is the same as their cousin. She asked why and I told her I was just curious. Now, I forgot to mention that my girlfriend and her sister work in the same department and as soon as I got the last text from her sister, the messages on her Facebook account were deleted and her password was changed. Before she did erase the messages, I saved a majority of them for safe keeping. Her doing all that was a HUGE red flag. If there was nothing going on and nothing to hide, why delete the messages and change the password? When I got that night, she asked if there was anything I wanted to talk about. I told her I wanted to know who this guy was. As if on cue, she told me that he was “just a friend” and knew him from when she lived in the Philippines. She told me that he was also married, lives in Dubai and has a baby. I then told her that I read some of the messages and asked her why he called her “babe” and “soul mate.” She told me that’s just the way they talked to each other. Yeah, right. I don’t know about you, but I don’t talk to my friends that are females like that and call them “sweetie” and “babe” or anything of that nature. I then asked her if they met over there and she quickly said no. I asked her 3 times in succession and she told me no. Then things got weird when she tried to flip it on me by stating that I invaded her privacy and she wanted to keep some things private from me. She told me I violated her trust. Her trust? How about my trust? She was the one that was talking to some fool behind my back and obviously lying about it, even though I didn’t have definitive proof.
Things between us became really strained and as a dumbass that I am and a guy that has a soft heart I decided to try and work things out with her and let it go even though she never gave me the 100% truth. But I couldn’t sleep knowing what I knew. Not too sound like a wimp, but I cried every night just playing what I thought happened inside my head, trying to fit the pieces together. One night when I couldn’t sleep, her phone rang at 4 am. I acted like I was asleep but I caught her take the phone from under her pillow and check the caller ID. She ignored it and went back to sleep. The phone rang again and she ignored it. That morning, I decided to get up early and get some breakfast for us. When I came home, she was in the shower and I checked her phone. I saw the number was from Dubai with no name. I saw the missed calls but then I noticed that she called the number back and talked for 4 minutes. I speculated that she told him that they couldn’t talk no more and he shouldn’t be calling her as she wanted to work things out with me. That was what I was thinking. Things were getting better between us as she slowly began to change a little and trusting me a little more around her phone.
I was playing with her phone one night saw that she had the Viber app installed on her phone. I clicked on it a read a message from what sounded like a guy that was in Taglish. I took a pic of the screen with my phone and sent it to my friend to translate it. She told me it wasn’t good. She stated my girlfriend and this guy didn’t seem to know each other from what was being said. My girlfriend stated in the message that she sometimes wished she was single. That got me pissed off so I asked her calmly if she wished if she was single. That’s when she knew I read her messages and she flipped out. She stated that sometimes she was because of all this type of stuff going on of me snooping around. She wanted to break up with me right then and there but I told her to calm down and let me speak why I felt the need to tell her how I felt about all this. I told her that I felt her heart was wandering because it seems like I wasn’t giving her what she wanted or needed or the love she deserved. I apologized to her that I now know that I took her for granted and I never will do that again and I do appreciate her and all that she has done. I wanted to work things out with her because for everything that gets thrown at us, we need to stick together and get through it together as a team plus we’re a family as well. I didn’t want our daughter to grow up in a family where Daddy and Mommy fight all the time and then end up leaving each other. I’ve been through that and I didn’t want my daughter to go through that.
My girlfriend is the type of person that when arguing she is always 3 steps ahead of you by always having something to say to dispute what you’re going to say making you stutter on your words and you get frustrated and give up. But this time I got her to be quiet as she sat and listened in silence to everything I had to say. I told her that I didn’t mind her having guys that are friends, but once they cross the line of trying to hit on her and call her “baby” knowing full well that she’s already spoken for, that’s where I have a problem. She was quiet and I believe she knew I was right this time. She then began to change once more for the better and began to kiss me on the lips. Even at a Halloween party last year she told a good friend of mine(even though she was a little drunk) that she did love me and cared for me and those other guys didn’t mean anything. My friend told her she needs to stop talking to these guys and focus on me and my daughter because he knows that I’m really trying to win her heart back and she shouldn’t condone these guys’ feeling they have towards her by talking with them.
During the holidays, I decided that I wanted to do something very special and romantic for Valentine’s Day since I haven’t done anything thoughtful in a long time. I then booked a spa resort for Valentine’s Day weekend for the 2 of us since she had been hinting at going for a while. During that week on Valentine’s Day 2014, I don’t know why I keep clinging to the fact of all the negative stuff that she did and the guy from Dubai. For some reason I ended up pulling up the saved conversation I had of hers with the guy from Dubai and asked my friend to translate the last portion for me. She stated that it looked like they did meet there since she asked him where he was and he replied that he was about 15-20 minutes away. I then noticed that the conversation stopped for a while and then picked up again on the day she was coming back home. This pissed me off that it confirmed to me that she lied that they did meet in Boracay in the Philippines. But to be honest, I had a conversation with my dad who went through the same exact thing with my mom and he told me to stop thinking of the negative stuff and focus on the positive stuff because the advice he gave me was if she was talking about rings and showing me wedding dresses, she hasn’t checked out on me like my mom did. He told me that she’s still here and is willing to work things out together and told me to just go with the flow and let things just happen on their own.
I took the advice and we had a great time at the resort with our couples mud bath and massages we had. That night after our pampering, we ended up making love for the first time in 20 months. The sex is amazing and we ended up doing it a few times that weekend. She even opened up to me her decrease of her sexual desire. Her libido was low and she even asked her doctor on what she needed to do to boast it. She even asked me on my opinion what type of birth control she should get back on. In the last few weeks everything has pretty much gone back to normal except for the sex part. It’s not as frequent as it used to be before we had our daughter but we compromised for a weekend every month, we go away for the weekend just the two of us and just relax and enjoy each other’s company. She even began to take her birth control bills. I know once a month isn’t a lot, but I don’t want to seem greedy and I don’t want to pressure her into it as she is starting to ease herself back into it. I don’t want to push her back into her hole that she was in and not come back out for another 20 months. In a few weeks, we are going to Reno for a weekend getaway just the two of us again. I’m excited that she’s excited to go. I haven’t seen her smile like that in a very long time. She’s even kissing me on the lips more often, even when she’s leaving somewhere. She is now calling me “babe” everyday and is saying “I love you” to me, even though I’m the one that says it first. Even though I do want her to say it and initiate it first, baby steps are needed to be taken first. For those people who think that a relationship that has been troubled by Facebook or any other type of social media can’t be salvaged it can be saved as long as communication and the willingness to work things out from both parties involved talk and do the best they can to work things out. Facebook and any other social media is very easy to use to connect with people that you haven’t been in contact with for a long time. But it is also very easy to get caught up in something that may be innocent at first and then turn into something that can potentially destroy a relationship if one’s not too careful. Though it may seem like she did lie to me about meeting up the Dubai guy, I’m learning to forgive her and its going to take a little time to forget it but it will come. The trust still needs to be built back up and it has. I haven’t been snooping around on her phone or Facebook as much as I used to and she’s not locking her phone or logging out of her Facebook. I do need to stop snooping and I will. I’m just taking things one day at time and just focus on the good things that are happening between us. Thanks for reading.