It was not intentional and it started 4 years ago. I hated logging into FB and seeing his face in the “people you may know” sidebar. I’d always click the “X” and go about my day. I’m in a serious relationship and I was happy with my partner. One day, I saw my ex on the damn “people you may know” section again and at a moment of weakness, I decided to message him just to see how he was doing. It had been 5 years since we last spoke and he was recently married at the time. I figured he moved on just like I did. Also, we had a long distance relationship & had never met before.
In my message I kept it short and simple. Asked how he was doing and gave no hint that I wanted to add him or anything. I honestly was not expecting a reply since I was the one that broke up with him. To my surprise, he not only responded positively but also sent a friend request. In my mind, I just wanted a simple message. I was over him and respected the fact that he was now married. In the back of my mind, I knew it was wrong that I accepted the add request b/c I was not sure of his intentions. I just assumed that since he was married he would have boundaries. I was soooo wrong.
For months our fb chats were clean. We chatted like old friends would. After about 6 months, he’d start to hint that he still had feelings for me. A few times he’d try to chat sexually and I’d demand that he’d stop and I’d start to turn my chat off for weeks just to avoid him. Looking back, I know I should have simply deleted him. He’d continue to sneak in a few inappropriate comments during our chats and even confessed that he still had my pictures from when we dated and would think about me often. Slowly, the temptation was too much and I gave in. I started realizing that my feelings for him never left and I still loved him. It wasn’t long before we started having sexual chats and I felt horrible about it. At the same time, I kind of felt like it could be justified only b/c my sexual needs were not really being met with my partner. My partner frequently turned me down no matter what I’d do until it got to the point where I stopped trying to initiate sex. This dent in our sex life made me react to the attention from my ex in a way that made me feel less guilty about it.
Fast forward to last year. By this time, we had skype’d a few times and chatted almost regularly. We both decided that it was a good time to finally meet. I wish this never happened bc what we did can never be undone.
I feel like it has gone too far now and my feelings for him have developed into some major feelings. I am so conflicted because I love two people at the same time and it’s the most messed up feeling ever. I don’t see how my current relationship can properly evolve if my ex is in the picture. I just have no idea if he is wanting to keep it simple or if he wants to be with me one day. We never discussed it and I don’t know how to bring it up. Then I read on the internet how most men that cheat seldom leave their wives for their lover. Honestly, even if we did get together exclusively, I’d never trust him and the relationship would be doomed from the start.